The news in Portland the local media missed

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Man with Bandura to Give Free Show in Park

Sellwood Park - You know it must be summertime when Lenny Carpenter announces his annual free concert in the park featuring the Bandura. Since 2004, Carpenter has given a free show in the Sellwood Park every August 1st.

"I think people enjoy hearing the Bandura," stated Carpenter of the unusual instrument, which has been described as sounding like a cross between a cymbalom and a Gravikord. "It's edgier than the traditional lute, yet maintains the tranquility that has made harps so popular among Baroque enthusiasts."

Carpenter promises to play crowd favorites including "Types of trees", "Mystical Prism" and "Would you like to see my basement." He says he may even revisit "Sands of Inscriptions", his 38 minute ode to the famous voyage made by the Celts to Iberia to reclaim the Tartessian inscriptions. The Celts fought the Carthaginians using forms of dance art and song poems to the cloud spirit.

"The history is so rich and exciting of that era," says Carpenter. "People literally had to dance fight to claim their rightful property. Only the Bandura can make you feel what the pressure must of been like."

The concert starts at 4 p.m. on the east side of Sellwood Park. It will last until Carpenter's Bandura gets stolen by teenage punk hipsters and thrown into the Willamette River, another tradition.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Estacada Man Caught Playing Keno for Investment Purposes

Jerry Tawnsworth, a 51-year-old truck driver of Estacada, was caught playing Keno in a Gresham bar for the sole purpose to make money. On Wednesday, Tawnsworth was sitting in the Crispy Critter Tavern drinking beer and playing Keno. He made the mistake of telling another patron he wasn’t playing “for entertainment only.”

“Hell, I was done shocked to hear em say he was tryin’ to win from that there machine,” said Dub Izzy, a regular and a self proclaimed expert in badger tendencies. “Everone knows you play just fer fun. Hell, I never expect my nummers to never win neither.”

Izzy quickly notified Doddy Coleman-Kylher, the manager, bartender and cook of The Crispy Critter. Doddy was not pleased to see Tawnsworth trying to turn $5 into $10 or more, thus playing for investment purposes.

“The Oregon Lottery makes it real, real clear they don’t want you to play that way,” stated Doddy while brushing away her stringy hair. “It’s fer entertainment ONLY! Mr. Tawnsworth is not welcome back no how.”

Jerry Tawnsworth said he won’t fight the manager’s decision to 86 him. However, he hopes he can still purchase meth in the parking lot.