The news in Portland the local media missed

Friday, June 18, 2010

Freezing June Weather all part of Global Warming’s Evil Plan, says Al Gore

Al Gore was in Portland Friday to explain recent cool trends in the Northwest. The former Vice President has been a champion for global warming, holding conferences with world leaders, creating environmental friendly legislation and starting a shirtless boys camp in Vermont.

“It makes perfect sense why Global warming has made things cooler here in Oregon,” stated Gore while standing next to a man in a lab coat. “There is so much heat in the atmosphere that it pushed the colder air here. The cold air has to go somewhere and this is where it came.”

The Pacific Northwest has seen highs barely in the 50s and 60s with lows in 40s, unusually cold for June. Mr. Gore and his team of scientists came equipped with dozens of graphs and pie charts to explain the situation. One scientist held up an illustration of heat monsters destroying a glacier with ice axes.

“You can’t argue with science,” claimed the scientist. “You see, when the polar ice caps melt, it releases the cold air that you’re feeling. That cold air pushes down here holding the warm air out. Soon, we will run out of cold air just like Africa has.”

Al Gore has received some criticism. Some have cited his conflict of interest and called him a “carbon millionaire.” Gore scoffed at his critics and called the allegations completely untrue as he has over a billion dollars in the bank. He claimed some positives can come from Global Warming.

“I support clean energy legislation that will create millions of jobs and help solve the climate crisis, as well as put a ton of money in my pocket,” quipped Gore. “Global warming has made me super rich. You might say I’m crazy rich. The other day I bought a baby off some woman on the street, that's how rich I am.”

The former Vice President refused to answer questions due to his busy schedule and quickly left on his leer jet to a smattering of applause and a few boos.

No comments:

Post a Comment