The news in Portland the local media missed

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

World Cup Fans fined for throwing English Tea in Willamette River

Three drunk and rowdy World Cup fans were issued citations for tossing bags of Earl Grey tea off the Burnside Bridge late Saturday afternoon. Onlookers spotted the trio throwing the tea in protest to the 1-1 tie between England and the United States in the World Cup.

Klellyn Dander, Ray Gahl and Travis “Biggs” Swanson were each fined $179 for littering off the downtown bridge. Additional fines and/or charges may be issued if a cleanup crew is needed for the river.

“We actually think only three bags of tea found its way to the river,” stated Officer Jed Looms. “Fortunately, they did not bring much tea and they throw like girls.”

Peggy Halls, who was riding her bike across the bridge at 4:30, witnessed the unusual scene. She noted that the ‘Tea Party’ didn’t last long as one of the men sat down due to fatigue and the others soon ran out of tea. She flagged down the police officer.

“They were pretty drunk and it was really windy. Most the bags of tea were blown back onto the bridge. One of them hit me in the arm,” said Halls.

Officers were still trying to figure out who started the hastily planned prank, which was apparently suppose to resemble the famous Boston Tea Party of 1773. A receipt for three boxes of Earl Grey tea was found in Ray Gahl’s pocket. The men had pooled their remaining dollars and stopped at a nearby market after drinking all morning at The Thirsty Lion Pub.

“We dint throw em all,” slurred Gahl. “I call my wife to say what we gonna do and she says to save some. She had a sore throat.”

A bartender for The Thirsty Lion remembered the three men during the England and U.S. match. He asked them to leave after they became disgruntled with the slow pace of the game and began fighting with a few English tourists.

“I don’t think they had ever watched soccer before,” said the bartender, who asked to remain nameless. “They complained that there was too much kicking and not much scoring. One of them got pretty belligerent and started yelling and quoting parts of Thomas Paine’s Common Sense to the British gentlemen.”

When the match ended in a tie, one of the men ranted that he hadn’t seen an uglier tie since walking into his stepdad’s closet. This upset some of the soccer purists in the pub who are use to little scoring, fake injuries and greasy European hair. The bartender was afraid a scrum might break out and asked the men to leave.

In addition to the fines, the three men have been banned from entering the Thirsty Lion or crossing the Burnside Bridge for the remainder of the World Cup.

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