The news in Portland the local media missed

Monday, June 21, 2010

Chris Dudley Shows Dedication to Supporters by Missing 400 Straight Free Throws

Chris Dudley, the ex-Portland Trailblazer, continued his campaign for Oregon Governor on Tuesday by pledging to miss 400 straight free throws. The former Blazer center met with over one hundred supporters at the west gym in the Multnomah Athletic Club. With each miss, Dudley made a bold statement to the crowd.

“I want Oregonians to MISS higher taxes,” said Dudley after missing his 45th straight free throw. “I want Oregonians to MISS unemployment. If I’m elected governor, Oregon businesses will MISS unfair government regulations,” he stated after another miss.

With each miss, the crowd roared a little louder. By the time Dudley missed his 350th free throw, people were in a frenzy. Many of the misses were impressive. A few hit the rim 3 or 4 times and bounced out. Some hit the backboard first, then hit the rim and then hit the backboard again.

“A couple shots were dangerously close to going in,” observed one man. “I don’t know how he did it.”

Others were not impressed by the GOP incumbent’s feat. Some argued that Dudley was one of the worst free throw shooters in NBA history and it would have meant more if he would have tried to make them instead.

“He took the easy way out,” murmured a man with glasses and a fake beard resembling John Kitzhaber. “Anyone could do that. I’d like to see him to talk about balancing the budget while balancing on a balance beam.”

When Dudley reached 399 missed free throws, the raucous crowd was on its feet, stomping and clapping like mad. Dudley easily missed the 400th shot. The ball hit the back iron and bounced high in the air. Dudley then leaped up off two feet and grabbed the ball with his massive hands. He brought it down to his chest with his elbows out and showing perfect form.

“Oregon WILL Rebound!” Yelled Dudley as his remaining supporters rushed the court. About half of the crowd had left the gym and return to work as it takes a long time to miss 400 free throws.

The $250 a ticket event raised nearly $3,000 for the Chris Dudley campaign. Asked if he would try to beat the record with 500 missed free throws, Dudley replied "I don't know...that's a crazy thought. I'm just going to enjoy this with my family for a while. You never know though, dreams do come true."

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